Many of these things will NOT be in your phrase book, nor will they be in your PDA. And if you use the online translation from Babelfish, the thing you get might not even be in the same animal-vegetable-mineral category as the thing you want.

There are two choices which I have found. The first is to spend U$S100 or so on a very complete pictorial dictionary. This works provided you always have your backback and don’t mind the extra dead weight in place of the cold beer you could be carrying there instead of some book.

The better and simpler choice, especially if you are even vaguely computer literate, and based on a few emails I have, a few of our readers, despite being perfectly lovely people, are pretty vague is to do the following; and this is easy.

Go to Google (www.google.com), click on the underlined “Images” link just above the search box, and then type in the name in english of the item for which you are looking, or that you want your housekeeper to do or to make: that was how I finally got sunny-side-up eggs, instead of juevos fritos any darned way they came out of the fry pan…

Now, when I need something for which no one can figure out the name in Spanish, I just print up a couple of examples, and people instantly smiled and nod and say lo conosco.

It works every time…and you still have room for beer in your backpack.

As you know, we have been talking with various realtors in order to vet them for you. During the course of these conversations I have been told some stories that really, really bother me. PEOPLE ARE BEING SENT TO MONTEVIDEO FROM INTERNATIONAL LIVING’S “URUGUAY EXPERTS” (in BA of course) AND ARE EXPECTING TO FIND APARTMENTS ON THE RAMBLA FOR U$S20,000!

This is scandalous! It wastes the time of everyone involved AND then the poor realtors are accused of trying to “rip off” the prospective investors by charging them “gringo prices”.

I remember when International Living was a respected source of information. Sadly, it seems to have degenerated into nothing more than a highly profitable propaganda machine within Agora Publishing’s US$200 million per year media empire.

Uruguay is not an unique case! They are doing the exact same thing in their barrage of stories about Montenegro–I place I love and where I have lived for two years. Twice I have warned them that they are leading their readers down the primrose path to disaster, and they have never given me even the courtesy of a response, much less modified their sales pitches. Judge for yourselves:

On November 15, 2005 and twice subsequently, I have sent the following email to International Living after fruitlessly trying to get a human being to answer the phone at their editorial offices.

I am a subscriber of several years standing. I have been trying to ring your editorial offices in Ireland for more than two weeks. I have contacted neither a human being nor even a voicemail. Hence this email to multiple persons.
You have recently had a series of articles about Montenegro.
I lived in Montenegro for two years. I love Montenegro; but it is a dangerous and lawless place because the government it utterly corrupt!
I bought a bank in Montenegro. We had a contract with the government and a guarantee in LAW of our charter and privileges until 2011.
Instead, in 2003, the law was changed, all foreign bank charters were revoked and everything was seized. I refused to leave the country and sued.
On June 1st, 2003, 15 armed men broke into my house in Podgorica and forced me to leave the country with my suitcase, my laptop and my dog. The stole everything I had, cars, household goods, money, collectibles.
The US consulate refused to intervene to help me. When my brother called our congressman, who in turn called the Embassy, they finally interceded, but by that time, the police couldn’t find anything. Amazing.
As long as the former communists still rule in Montenegro, no one is safe! For you to promote anything there without that warning is extremely reckless and fall below your usual high standards.
I would love to speak with someone in detail about this, if there is a live person somewhere willing to speak to me.

International Living is entitled to publish whatever they wish, but then they must bear the burden of knowingly publishing bad information and deliberately misleading their readers.

What do you think?

Thank you for your recent purchase of Uruguay: The Owner’s
Manual.Unfortunately, this title is currently being
updated and re-printed and is expected to ship the week of the 29th of
September. Please rest assured that we are working to have your copy of
Uruguay: The Owner’s Manual to you as soon as possible.

To access the
updated version of Uruguay: The Owner’s Manual online,
please follow the link below…
Breathlessly I immediately clicked on the link to start the download. I turned away to get a drink and when I turned back, it appeared that nothing had happened. Annoyed, I clicked on the link again, and lo and behold, the download was, in fact complete.

As downloaded, it is 128 pages including front and back covers. The contents break down as follows:

Table of Contents – 8 pages
Welcome to Uruguay – 4 pages – this is signed by IL’s “Uruguay” contact, who lives in BA not here
Uruguay History – 6 pages, one of which is blank
Culture and Traditions – 6 pages, one of which is blank
Try to Use Spanish – 6 pages (really? I had my heart set on speaking Esperanto…)
Introduction to Uruguay’s Economy – 8 pages
The Best Places to Buy Real Estate – 38 pages
Step by Step Guide to Buying Property – 4 pages one of which is blank
Residency, Importing your Household Goods, Healthcare and More – 10 pages, one of which is blank
Are You going to Travel? What Else do you need to know – 8 pages
Appendices – 28 pages

IF the real estate information is good, the book may well be very useful. As you know I am not a real estate promoter and my book will certainly be weakest in that area. But, as previously noted, I encourage everyone to rent for a year before you buy and make sure Uruguay is for you.

I love it, but then I like liver too…

I had to buy IL’s book because of professional interest–I will let you know if there is anything worthwille in it in a day or two.

Would it be tacky to note in passing that IL's Uruguay expert lives in Ecuador and their Real Estate experts live in Argentina?

Sorry, but I am a little bit miffed.

I have come to the conclusion
that for anyone with enough pioneering spirit to consider living
outside North America or Europe, and even more so those who do it,
there is a high probability that they are not a jerk.

Living in Uruguay is a story worth telling and I have decided to do that even more completely than on this blog.

I
have started writing The Southron's Guide to Living in Uruguay. Health
permitting, it will be finished and available electronically by the end
of September. Since you have helped me create this phenomenon, I
wanted you to participate in the book as well. What follows is my
outline.

I WOULD APPRECIATE ANY SUGGESTIONS FOR THINGS TO
INCLUDE. If this first book goes well, i envision two more: Doing
Business in Uruguay, and Unknown Interior Uruguay.

Let me know what you think!

Outline: Southron’s Guide to Living in Uruguay

I) Foreword

II) Acknowledgements

III) Introduction

IV) Country
Information

A) The Language

B ) The Weather – El Tiempo

C) Montevideo

1) From Montevideo to Punta del Este

2) From Montevideo to Colonia

3) From Montevideo to the Northern Interior

D) Time Zone Mayhem

E) Religious Diversity

F) The Seamy Side of Things

V) Getting to
and From Uruguay

A) Excess Baggage

B ) Traveling With Pets

C) Back and Forth to Buenos
Aires

D) Buquebus Ferry

VI) Taking the
Plunge

A) What to bring with you

B ) Before you move

1) when NOT to arrive

C) At the airport

1) Register your cellphone if you wish

D) Hotels

E) Finding a Place to live

F) Turning on Utilities

G) Furniture

VII) Legal
formalities

A) notaries

B ) Immigration, 90 days Visas and Residency

VIII) Telecoms

A) VoIP and why you need it.
Vonage, Broadvoice & Skype

B ) Telephones, crazy caller ID and why you should have an
answering machine instead of voicemail

C) Cell phones and frequencies used

D) Pay Phones

E) Internet

F) TV, local cable, DirectTV and the Slingbox

IX) Making a
Living in Uruguay

A) Outside income is a must

B ) Works for retirees

C) There are investment opportunities

1) doing business here is relatively expensive and bureaucratic

2) new tax laws hurt

D) If you’re looking for a job, forget it!!!

X) Cost of
Living

A) Taxes

1) VAT included or not?

2) Income tax

3) Capital Tax

4) payroll taxes

B ) utilities costs

C) car and home insurance costs

D) Typical Grocery Basket cost – links to grocery stores

E) housekeepers

F) buying cars, leasing, etc

1) brands available

G) rent vs buying houses

H) what is more expensive here

1) cars

2) gasoline

3) electronics

4) internet

5) cellphones

6) imported liquors

7) imported foods from outside SA

XI) Uruguayans:

A) families

B ) Yerba Mate

C) Asado, Whiskola, Media y
Media, local wines

D) garbage pickers in horse carts

E) knife sharpeners

F) late hours for meals and going out

G) over educated

XII) Daily Living

A) Shopping

1) Food shopping

(a) online

(b) shop and they deliver

(c) smaller shops, panaderías, carnecerías

(d) open markets

2) Major retailers

(a) malls

(b) Geant

(c) furniture

(d) appliances

(e) tech stuff

(f) clothing

(g) smaller specialty retailers of note

3) Amazon.com

4) Schooling

B ) Health care and 24 hour farmacias – life without liability
attorneys

C) paying bills

D) bank opening hours

E) Getting Around

1) Taxis and Rate Cards, Big taxis, Remises

2) buses

3) rush hours and traffic

F) Entertainment

1) English Theatre

2) English Libraries

3) local stuff

4) golfing

G) Pets and Pet Care

H) Places to visit in Uruguay

1) Punta del Este

2) Colonia

3) Hot Springs

4) Wine Country

5) ????

XIII) Learning the
Language

A) Spanish Language Schools

B ) other ideas

XIV) Issues:

A) complacent consumers,

1) consumer protection administration and
how it works

B ) no innovation,

C) electricity

D) taxes

E) special handicapped information and warnings

XV) Taxes back home

A) $80,000 US tax exclusion – everybody else gets a free ride
from home

B ) keep a US
account and 1 credit card

C) wages

XVI) Copperhead
looks at BA