I looked up and saw two kids running away as fast as they could–a split second later I saw two of our staff, Mikey and Rodrigo, chasing them.

One got away, but the other one (he had the car radio in hand) they chased all the way to the Oceanographic Museum (the ugly pinkish building with the Minaret on Rambla) where the thief jumped into the water.

Rodrigo was starting to strip and go in afetr him, when Mikey, suggested tha better part of valor was to wait for the police–that was a good call. No less than 9 cops arrived in minutes, including the SWAT team. They “persuaded” the malefactor to come out of the water and carted him off to the local precinct. Rodrigo and Mikey went along and gave their statements.

But somebody must have been watching US TV–a few hours later, Rodrigo and Mikey had to go back to the police station because the juvenile thief had alleged “police brutality” and his mother was there raising the roof.

Rodrigo and Mikey trekked back for this nonsense, avverred the police acted correctly, and came back to the office–at some point they may have to go in front of a judge in support of the police. As far as I am concerned, the police did a great job and are to be rewared.

Of course, so did Batman and Robin….and they went home with bonuses.

One of the realtors (an American) told me about a man by the name of Richard Blum, an American Expat who offered a cheap call back service to the US—he had an arrangement with one of the big VoIP companies.  What he was doing was technically illegal in Costa Rica, but it seemed like all the Americans knew about it and used it.  So, we met him and paid him in cash for the service.

During the course of that meeting we talked about the availability of internet and specifically of broadband service. He told me he had inside connections in the state telephone company and that he could get us broadband service like he had—for a fee.

I paid him US$1500 as a consulting fee.  That was supposed to get us a 1MB broadband connection and was supposed to include any “honorariums” that needed to be paid to people in the state-owned phone company.

I never got the 1MB connection.  Ten months later, after dozens of phone calls and innumerable broken promises, I ended up with a 128KB line—one-eighth of the bandwidth I had been promised.

By then, of course, I had checked around and found other people that Richard Blum had scammed; almost all of whom were newbies from North America.

Richard was a cannibal:  one that preys on his own kind and consumes them for his own benefit.

Costa Rica was so full of cannibals that it was as dangerous dealing with expats as it was with locals—the major difference was that the expats lied in more fluent English…

Unfortunately, there are cannibals here in Uruguay as well!

The first one that comes to mind is a Russian who lives on the Coast between Montevideo and Atlantida.  He has been scamming poor Russians who want to better themselves and charging them US$4000 or more to help them get their residency here.  Then when they do, he tells them it was gotten by bribery and that if he is not paid “protection” he will have their residency revoked and they will be deported.

I do not know how many people he is victimizing, but I know of one family that gave up and returned to Russia because of this would-be Russian Mafioso.  When they refused to pay his protection, they were harassed, then threatened, and then he sued them in labor court claiming they owed him US$5000 per month as a “translator”.

I hope he is investigated and expelled from the country—the last thing Uruguay needs is the Russian mafia—even in a weak and haphazard form…

Right now, he is the only cannibal in Uruguay I know about. But, there seem to be cannibal wanna-bes in the works.

I have heard about some other immigrants here who are going to set themselves up as “immigration consultants” and then offer their “expert services” to newcomers, despite the fact that these so-called experts have been here less than a year!

I hope that these rumors are not true.  I hope that I did not hear what I think I heard.

But if I the rumors are true, and the would-be cannibals become actual cannibals, you will hear more about them here.  I suggest they get into real estate speculation instead.

It is absolutely imperative that we in the immigrant community police ourselves, or there will be a scandal and the doors will close, or the bar for entry will be raised that much higher—all so a few flim flam artists can make a buck.

After all, this is Uruguay, not Wall Street…

(Lest someone accuse me of hypocrisy in publishing my book, I hasten to point out that it is a true account of my own personal experiences here, and not an expert opinion on anything.  The book does have expert opinions, but they were supplied by qualified professionals, not by me.  Let me be clear on one thing: no one makes any profit on UruguayLiving.com, UruguayDailyNews.com, SociedadSouthron.net or any of our associated Uruguay projects!  These projects are totally paid for by the Capital Conservator Group as a public service without any outside support.)

A Corporal Work of Mercy:  You may remember the taxi driver that was killed: and that we collected about $350 for his widow and children.  It took several months, help from friendly members of the media, and from other taxi drivers, before we did finally get to the family and make the presentation, which Santiago did on our behalf.  The family was surprised and very grateful.

Two unhappy endings

He may also remember the English couple who had everything stolen within the first hour of moving into their house.  We were anxious to report what was happening on an ongoing basis, but were requested not to do so by the authorities.  We must now report that unfortunately no suspects were found, none of the property was recovered, and it costs a couple of thousands of dollars to get out of the lease of the house.  They subsequently moved to a gated community outside of town and have told me that they plan on leaving Uruguay permanently when their lease is up.  I hope that the original landlord and real estate agent, both of whom I believe are at least morally responsible, remember what they did, because UruguayLiving.com will remember them and do our best to discourage anyone else from ever having any business dealings with them.

One other story that needs to have its ending told is about the young man from Russia and his wife and child.  Unfortunately they fell into the clutches of an unscrupulous Russian and “mafia wanna be” who so terrified them, that they chose to back to Russia.  When they would not pay his extortionate demands he filed suit against them alleging he had been hired as an “interpreter” for US$5,000/month.  It is truly unfortunate that the young man would not trust his attorneys and the authorities to handle this crook.  I guess growing up the Soviet Union did not equip him to make good decisions in a free country….

This is a full-sized, 8½ x 11 inch paper back, with color covers and black-and-white inside. Because of its large size is much easier to read than the pocket-sized edition produced locally.  The price for the full-size paperback is the same as the retail price for the e-book, US$30. For payment, lulu.com accepts Visa, MasterCard, Discover, American Express and PayPal.

One other note: there was a Yankee Naval vessel holding station a few kilometers offshore for my house–obviously they were here in connection with that politicians visit.  I didn’t mind the ship that much, until I noticed that as I went from room to room its weapons readjusted accordingly…

If you read the forum on SociedadSouthron.net, you know that a local taxi driver was murdered.  And we can safely assume that the effect on his family must be monumental.  I therefore suggest, that we do something about it as a community: take up a collection amongst ourselves for the family of the driver.

As a Christian, the parable of the Good Samaritan commands me to do the good that is in front of me in so much as I am able.  As a libertarian, who has had some success in the world, I believe I have a moral obligation to help the needy, especially if I am going to deride and deplore government charities.  I believe in noblesse oblige and am certain it has a central role in any free and voluntary society.

When Davy Crockett served in the United States Congress, another congressman died and the House members were debating a pension for the widow.  Crockett, being a man of principle said that he could not vote to spend other people’s money on his sympathy.  But, he went on to tell the other members that he would however, spend his own money on sympathy, and that he was $20 sympathetic for the widow (a lot of money in those days) and that he would pass around his famous coonskin hat to the other members so they could express their sympathy similarly.

In the spirit of Davy Crockett, I will tell you that The Southron is $100 sympathetic toward the family of the taxi driver, and pass my virtual hat around (Lord knows it is big enough).

If you would like to add your sympathy to mine perhaps we can help the family with at least one problem.  (If you are in the US and wish to contribute, send me an e-mail and I will tell you how you can write a check and mail it to a US address.).

Everyone is encouraged to help if:

•      their circumstances allow,

•      their consciences dictate, and

•      they are so inclined.

For those of you who pray, remember the family of the slain taxi driver in your prayers.  For those of you who do not, at least hold a good thought for them.

In Costa Rica, gangs would crash 4x4s through metal security gates and hold children at gunpoint until their parents emptied their wallets and their safes. In the West Indies, people would get chopped up with machetes; sometimes to be used as fish bait, and other times simply for the love of the sport! In the Balkans, people have been known to be kidnapped, with bits of fingers and toes sent back to their families until the ransom is paid. In some parts of South America, the police are in obvious collusion with the kidnappers–certainly an innovative way of increasing the police retirement fund. (My staff have instructions to refuse to pay any ransom if I am kidnapped, but rather to demand that the criminals must keep me unless they pay my staff to take me back–we figure 3 days maximum, before they resort to robbing their children’s piggy banks to get rid of me.)

In June 2003, 15 armed men, three of whom had police badges, broke into my house in Podgorica, Montenegro; stole everything I owned, broke open my safe, drove away my cars, and forced me out of the country at gunpoint with only my dog, my laptop, my client records and my clothes. Now that is real crime!

One only has to turn to any US daily newspaper to randomly find stories of robbery, rapine, torture and murder: all on a grander, and certainly more photogenic scale than anything perpetrated by the Vandals, the Huns, or even the conquerors of the New World. Things have gotten so out of hand that in any city big enough to have its own daily newspaper, a simple run-of-the-mill murder no longer makes the front page (except perhaps during the “dog days” of summer).

Maybe Uruguay could develop a training program for criminals–after all it has is school, faculty, or certificate for just about everything else. I’m not talking about a mere breeding ground for crime, like the shantytowns in the poorer sections; but real first-class schools of criminal education like the US penal system which incarcerates 1 out of every 200 US residents. With that kind of felonious infrastructure Uruguay could really develop a world-class environment for crime.

Think of what that would do for the economy: a security guard on every block, wrought iron roofs to connect to the existing wrought iron gates and walls, two or three new security monitoring companies, more insurance adjusters, expanded use of emergency rooms, and even an upsurge in the mortuary business.

Maybe being boring isn’t so bad after all…

All joking aside, lately I have received a lot of email regarding crime in Uruguay—some of it no doubt spurred by my own recent experiences. As noted, I have lived outside the US for almost a decade. I lived on 2 islands in the West Indies, Montenegro in former Yugoslavia, and Costa Rica before moving here. Of all of the places I have lived, Uruguay definitely has the lowest crime rate.

I just wrote this to someone earlier today and it bears repeating:

There are certainly areas that are more crime prone than others, and that is something that you need to ask about in every locality. That being said, there are two things that I want to call to your attention. First, most crime here is against things not people. And, second, Latin America generally has a lower respect for property rights than in the Anglo-Saxon world, hence crimes of opportunity such as purse snatching, burglaries in empty houses, etc., are realities of life, with which the locals deal effectively. So while you see walls and gates and window bars throughout the country you begin to understand that they are there to protect things and not people. Even in my wheelchair, even alone on the street late at night, I have never felt threatened. All of that being taking into account, I plan on staying here.

Even if crime is getting worse, it is getting worse more slowly than other places and starting from a much lower base!

The truth is that I did get a system upgraded, but not quite to the extent mentioned above–if any malefactors are reading this now they will have to figure out which is true and which is not.

As this was installed just yesterday, I guess we had a moral obligation to set the alarm off first thing this morning. Our housekeeper obliged us. Apparently she was a little bit late in entering her access code, and the alarm was triggered. It was only on for a second or two before she entered her code. Nevertheless, the alarm company called Jimbo’s cell phone to make sure it was alright. I slept through the whole thing–which is very comforting. It is nice to know that burglars will not disturb my sleep so long as they remain downstairs.

Of course, my biggest fear is that they will be after my body… I hear blubber fetches a good price these days…

In all fairness, the alarm apparently only rang for two or three seconds, and the dogs were already down stairs to greet the housekeeper. Had the alarm continued, Harry, my Westie, has been trained to awaken me, which he would’ve done by digging on me, or if necessary even biting my nose to wake me up. Fortunately, for the sake of my nose, that was not necessary.

I am grateful that I’ve been able to spur this rebirth of creative energy which has been able to keep my readers and our community so well entertained during my absence.

I am afraid that the actual events that occurred are far less interesting.  I actually started writing several blog pieces that never got all the way finished.  Since my mama told it was a sin to waste, I have incorporated them into this piece today.

21 December 2006: My family is supposed to arrive from Florida in the next few hours.  I only got possession of the new house two days ago, but since we were able to start bringing things in before the final contract signing (which almost blew up in my face) we are in pretty good shape.  Granted there are doors missing, as we had to have some doorways widened for my wheelchair, and my modesty while sleeping is only protected light curtain.  Nevertheless, save for one tiny item, we’ve done well.

The missing link unfortunately is a very large refrigerator that Géant was supposed to deliver two days ago.  Without it, we will find it a bit hard to keep very much food in the house.

[Later that same day] I finally became so frustrated with Géant that I told Hernán to call Géant and tell them that I was on the way there and expected to meet the General Manager upon my arrival.  The mere threat of that seem to have a bracing effect.  My actual arrival seem to cause a least a minor shock wave.  I did a bit of shopping while waiting for the manager. When he arrived both of us were entirely courteous.  He promised me that the refrigerator would be delivered, and I told him I’d receive that very same promise for two days running.  I asked him where, “exactly” the refrigerator was; he excused himself, in order to check.  In five minutes he returned and told me it would be at my house before I left his store.  I thanked him for his courtesy–and prayed that his promise did not mean I would spend the next 48 hours in his store.

Less than 30 minutes later the refrigerator was delivered, and that crisis was solved.

28 December 2006: The Copperhead is homeless.  Last night he left our shared abode of 10 months and moved into the Palladium Hotel, six blocks from our new head office.  Finding an apartment has been tough for him, as detailed in another place.

30 December 2006:  Copperhead lands an aerie…  I had just finished printing out all 47 verses of “Tenting Tonight on the Old Campground” so that he could amuse himself during his tenure under canvas in my backyard.  But once again fate intervened to cruelly thwart my plans.  The Copperhead jubilantly returned to the house and informed me that he had signed the rental contract without incident, and had also made his rental deposit at Banco Hippopotamus (or something like that) with a wad of pesos thick enough to choke a horse.

Apparently his apartment is really great.  It is on the 15th floor in Pocitos and in a newer building.  The worst thing about it is that his landlord is wonderful, helpful, caring and keeps his promises–this means the Copperhead has used up the “nice landlord quotient” for all of Montevideo for 2007.  Damn!

30 December 2006: After a short visit of just more than a week, my nephew Nick, and sister-in-law Sue, returned north to Yankee-occupied America.  Nick had been here before and likes Uruguay a lot.  This was Sue’s first trip, and while she liked what she saw, what she heard, that is the Spanish language, seemed to her to be an overwhelming obstacle.  Their return trip to Florida was without incident and they arrived home Sunday morning 31 December.

(It should be noted that during all the time described herein, we are also unpacking, finding, sorting, buying, and generally working on the move-in.)