The Lone Ranger had Tonto, Batman had Robin, the Cisco Kid had Pancho and The Southron now has Borko.
You may recall that on the 27th of January I reported that Borko finally had his visa application approved. However, due undoubtedly to the Southern Hemisphere Effect, it took more than a week for that visa approval to be translated into an actual visa stamp in his passport. Despite that delay, Borko arrived at the Carrasco International Airport on February 15, one day after his 27th birthday. So I guess that coming to Uruguay was his birthday present.
Now that he has been here for 10 days and is gradually settling in. He’s starting to learn Spanish—unfortunately the staff have been teaching him those Spanish words that cannot be reproduced in a family blog. We bought him a mountain bike (why the heck we need a mountain bike in a city that at best resembles a wrinkled tablecloth is beyond me) to make it easier for him to shadow me when I am on my scooter cruising at full speed. You should see the looks we get when we go shooting along the Rambla.
Borko is actually the perfect shadow. Like every good shadow he’s taller and thinner than the original object; in my case the taller can actually be quite difficult however the thinner is pretty easy, any average sized grizzly bear will do.
Yesterday, we decided to go on a city tour by bike and scooter. I generally use the side streets, because they are safer, being less crowded with cars. As I mentioned in one of my previous entries, things like handicapped ramps are a little less available than Iranian Buddhists. So I cruise along the streets.
Our first stop was Punta Carretas Mall—we heard that there was a Burger King in the food court and had to check that out or drown from salivating.
But we almost didn’t make it: not because of the traffic, not because we got lost, not because of the distance, not because the scooter broke down; but because the rentacops at the mall wouldn’t let Borko park is bike in the parking lot! That’s right, you did not misread, they would not let Borko park is bike in the parking lot!
There is only one entrance to the mall with a ramp, that is on the side with Don Pepperone. However, there is no bike rack anywhere in sight. So the simplest thing seemed to be to take the bike and park it in the parking lot chained it to a metal post…
My God in Heaven, you would have thought that Borko was starting to film a porno movie in the parking lot the way the rentacops reacted. (That actually might have been allowed.) Well one immediately raced over on a bicycle to stop Borko lest he molest the lamp pole by chaining his bike to it–he was almost immediately backed up by a second rentacop, this one on a motorcycle, in case we should try to flee.
They kept on gesticulating when I asked them “¿donde?”. I then called one of our staffers on my cell phone to try to talk to the rentacop, but neither of the yellow uniformed geniuses would take the call. I know you may find it hard to believe, but by this time my usual genial and pacific nature was wearing thin, so I told them “quiero hablar con su Gerente”, which I intended to mean “I want to speak with your manager”. I must’ve been pretty close, because after only 15 minutes a guy in a tie showed up. He and I still couldn’t get past the gesticulating stage, but at least he would talk to my staffer on the phone.
The resolution was that they still would not let Borko park his bike in the parking lot (incredible!!!), but that someone would escort Borko into the bowels of the building, where a bike rack was hidden.
Of course, that was on the entire opposite end of the mall, which was not accessible by wheelchair or scooter so I got to wait for another 15 or 20 minutes while they escorted Borko around the building, into the sub sub basement, up the lift, across the entire mall, and finally back to the handicapped ramp. At this point I had spent nearly an hour trying to get in to the d****d mall. If we had not had to work so hard for it, I would have just gone away!
Is going to be a long time before my desire for Burger King overcomes my distaste for that mall!
In fairness, the rest of the afternoon was wonderful. After we left the mall we headed south to the Rambla, then around the golf course to the north, back to Sarmiento, and then East on the back streets toward home.
Every time I tour through Montevideo, I am struck by the tranquility of the city, and the almost endless succession of picturesque streets. The tree covered avenues, the multitude of green spaces, the mixture of classic and modern buildings, and the almost imperceptible confluence of business and residential spaces makes it a pleasure to wander about.
Every time I get angry, or annoyed, or frustrated with something here, I have only to cast my mind on those arboreal streets and I can’t help but smile…
