Last night I went to a party on Mount Everest–maybe he just seemed like Mount Everest because it was such a climb. It seemed as if the stairs went on forever. My nephew, Nick, acted as my Sherpa, and carried my wheelchair ahead of me so that at every landing I could collapse into it, catch my breath, lower my heart rate, and generally resuscitate myself. Whoever said that Uruguay was completely flat didn’t take into account all those damned stairs.
I made it, and after my eyes began to focus again saw FuBarrio there is to greet us. I was amazed to see so many people already there, as it was only 10:20 p.m. and the party was only scheduled to begin at 10 p.m. FuBarrio’s first words were that he could not find single malt scotch and I would be forced to drink a blend. I immediately considered throwing myself, or perhaps him off the balcony, but decided against it in keeping with the general Christmas spirit. I figured that I could always pelt him with some of the lumps of coal Santa left in my Christmas stocking.
At that point my olfactory senses started working, and I became extremely glad that I hadn’t just done something untoward.
When I cast my eyes in the direction from which the aroma was coming I saw a table laden with goodies: there was chicken cooked in some wonderful sauce, there was a noodle dish with various vegetables, some kebabs, and General Tzo’s tofu–I generally hate tofu, but this was GOOD! FuBarrio had lied; this was not a party, Golden Lotus, God bless her, had turned this into a feast! And if the table laden with culinary delights was not enough, ladies in black slipped through the assemblage bearing platters with even more goodies: shrimp, and sushi, and pastries…
And lest you think that it was a gathering of Southern Baptists, there were indeed potables, both potent and otherwise. The wine steward there definitely did a better job than at my house. Late Christmas day we were playing cards and we opened a bottle of Tannat only to find out that in the case of this particular vintage, Tannat is only the first part of its name, the rest of which is, “be consumed by human beings”. It was so bad that any Pepsi or Coke to it actually made it better.
But I digress… FuBarrio and Golden Lotus have established a new standard for entertaining– a standard which is virtually unattainable for the rest of us. Because of that, I suggested that they leave the country and never return… we obviously cannot stand such a disruptive influence in our community. Their counter offer was that they would move to Buceo, and bribe me with food. I accepted. (As we say in the South, I may be a fool, but I ain’t a damned fool!)
The only bad thing is that I will not be able to entertain except when Golden Lotus is out of the country…
It sounds like a great party, sorry to have missed it. Maybe next year?
Left by Enzo on December 28th, 2006