The Baby
Posted by The Southron on February 14th, 2010As you know.my health has been an ongoing challenge for many years. While the health care here was not the reason I moved to Uruguay. it has certainly been a major benefit.
Even in the midst of pain, there was one really humorous situation that I thought would be a good way to restart my missives here.
Those who are residents here know that you need your Cedula (National ID) number for EVERYTHING, even more than one uses a social security number in the US. The Cedula is used in business as well as the government and the same number is used on your driving license and even passport.
Because of that, and because the numbers are simply issued in order, my Cedula number is relatively high, reflecting about 50 years less than my age–this caused a really funny incident some months ago.
I was having some health problem or another so one of the staff here called SEMM, the Ambulance/traveling doctor service connected with my health insurance at COSEM. The SEMM operator didn’t bother to look at my file, but assigned a doctor based simply on my cedula. As such, they sent a pediatrician, (it’s a good thing that Cedulas don’t indicate sex or they might have sent an obstetrician).
When the doctor arrived at the main gate she asked “¿donde esta el bebe?” Someone explained the mistake, but the doctor said that since she was here, she would take a quick look at me to ensure the next doctor sent was the correct one.
As she came into my room, my assistant explained the foul up and after greeting the doctor, I told here “Soy el bebe grande.” (I am the big baby).
Later that day another doctor appeared better qualified to treat “el bebe grande”.
(To those who speak better spanish than I, I apologise for any acentos I have missed or mistakes in translation–perhaps I have simply become too accustomed to “masomenos”.
I am sorry for all of this, and as I am still under close medical care because of the infection in my leg, I am not willing to predict any quick answers to the aforementioned emails.
The American colonists were not represented in Parliament, hence, under the Common Law, Parliament had no right to tax them. As non-residents, WE ARE NOT REPRESENTED IN CONGRESS! Therefore, Congress does not have a right to tax us.
The first thing you must learn is that the lines dividing the lanes are purely ornamental, and that if you insist on trying to stay in the center of what you thought was a lane of traffic, you will be an obstacle to progress. If 5 little cars can travel alongside each other in 3 lanes, it would be selfish to try to claim a whole lane for yourself.
The second thing you must learn is to drive defensively, sort of like you would going through a war zone. Uruguayans have a congenital visual deficiency which prevents them from being able to see clearly in the mirrors on their cars, thus, they simply don’t use them. Consequently they will blithely dart in front of you with mere inches to spare and then be truly shocked if you tap your horn or glare at them.
Pedestrians are just a little worse than the drivers. I have a sneaking suspicion that pedestrian fatalities are Uruguay’s secret answer to population growth. One of my favorite pastimes is taking bets on which pedestrian is going to get run over in the striped pedestrian walkways along the Rambla. Most of them do not have a traffic light, and the pedestrians sort of meander across the walkway in ones and twos, totally oblivious to the speeding traffic which threatens to turn them into roadkill.
A solid green signal means you can go forward or turn right, but you cannot turn left, except on a one-way street, unless there is a green arrow signal. Otherwise, you have to continue on until you can find a left turn without a signal, hold up traffic waiting to make the turn, and then meander back towards your target. This is especially interesting when driving in Centro where most of the streets are one way; complicated by the fact that the one way streets alternate in directions, but only more or less: one street will go left, the next 3 will go right, than 2 will go left, etc.
Early this morning, Uruguay changed from Summer time (UYST) to standard time (UYT). Since it is fall here, we turned our clocks back 1 hour. At the same time we made that change, the US made its spring foward to daylight saving time. The total relative time shift was 2 hours, some Uruguay is now just 1 hour later than Eastern Time, instead of 3.
In March a group of professional British actors come to Montevideo to stage a new play on the Battle of the River Plate, seventy years after the event.
The State Religion of Uruguay is SUN WORSHIP. That’s right, good old fashioned (or should I say “ancient fashioned”) unabashed adoration of Sol Invictus, the unconquered Sun.
My nephew arrived for a week’s visit yesterday morning and brought with him my annual resupply of gigantic clothing from my favorite King Size Men’s Store; Omar the Tent Maker. His motto is “if it was big enough for Goliath, it ought to fit you too”. The only problems I have with them is that sometimes the tent canvas is a little rough for underwear or the stripes from the reused circus tents don’t get completely bleached out…All kidding aside, I was happy to get this year’s shipment because everything was two sizes smaller than last year, so I am making progress. I have thus far lost the equivalent in kilograms or about half an average Uruguayo–that means I have about 1 1/2 to go. 
